He Won; Enough Already!

Okay, I made it abundantly clear (at least to my friends), that no matter who won the election, I wouldn't be thrilled on the morning of November 5th. Hungover would be more accurate. As the days to voting dwindled, you'd have to be a moron to think McCain stood a chance.

Am I bitter? No, because I wouldn't have been happy with either of these clowns. My political stance closely resembles a wet roadmap that got thrown in a tumble dryer, so there's nothing that would have made me happy on November 4th. However, what is driving me up a wall is the incessant coverage now that Obama is the president-elect. What drapes are Michelle going to put up in the White House? What are Barack's top secrets of success? What is he going to replace the White House bowling alley with? ENOUGH! He won, we know, do we have to keep babbling on and on about it? Inane and trivial details reign supreme! STOP. JUST STOP.

And to whichever no-brain @$$clown that put me on moveon.org's email list, please DIAF. Those people can't seem to understand the concept that their favored candidate actually won, and are having support parties left and right. Well, maybe more like left and left. Not a week goes by that someone doesn't send me an email saying Hey! let's have a party "to keep up the momentum from Obama's victory." What? Keep up the momentum? I would like to remind you that he won the presidency; not you.

We all get the idea. He won. Get over it, get over yourselves, and get on with your life. There are more important things to worry about right now (like whether or not your job is evaporating) other than what breed of puppy Barry is buying his kids on January 20th.

...

I sincerely hope all you Obama fanatics are right.

Officially and Irreversibly Screwed

Ladies and Gentlemen, let October 3, 2008, stand as the day America was thoroughly f*cked by its politicians and bankers.

This bill was passed too hastily, it's giving Wall Street way too much leeway (not to mention being rewarded for something it should have been violently punished for). The people that got us into this mess are the same ones that are claiming to get us out, a promise I have a hard time believing. Especially because we, the taxpayers, are no doubt going to be the ones who get to finance this. Think of it this way: the government didn't buy up $700 billion of bad mortgages, we bought $700 billion in bad mortgages that we didn't want to. Sounds more like someone stole the nation's credit card and racked up a crapload of bills.

Maybe it will work out in the end; maybe it won't. But the whole damn thing stinks. Considering the incompetence of our national leaders, I am not holding out hope for the future. My generation, and the generations to follow, are the ones that are going to have to pay this. Goodness knows how! How many of us can't find work, or have to work two jobs at minimum wage to keep from sliding into debt? Who do they expect to pay for this?

We're screwed. Utterly and thoroughly screwed.

Passive Campaigning

There's a chain email going around, addressed to fanatical enthusiastic Obama supporters. The message states that they should go to the November polls not wearing any buttons, shirts, etc. that bear the name of their Lord and Saviour. The reason being is that this could be construed as passive campaigning; campaigning is verboten anywhere near the polls, so the believer supporter would be removed from the polls before being allowed to vote.

The veracity of this chain letter is a somewhat tangled beast, as are the laws surrounding electioneering. Snopes.com tried to unravel it, but pretty much came to the same conclusion that I am going to tell you: if there's any doubt whatsoever, leave your candidate buttons and shirts home. That goes for all parties, all candidates. Obama supporters, McCain supporters, everyone. Seriously, you don't need to take so much pride in who you're voting for on election day. The vote is secret for a reason. There's no need to make sure everyone in your vicinity knows exactly which candidate owns the cock you're so eagerly sucking you're rooting for. Just go in, vote, and go get a coffee or something and wait until the next day to see which lying sack of spit is your new commander-in-chief.

I'm Sick of Politics

This election season is one of the most polarizing I've ever seen in my entire life. People on both sides have just gone plain crazy over the candidates of their choice, and it's gotten under my skin in ways that usually call for metaphors involving flesh-eating parasites, broken glass, and Barbara Streisand.

I don't think I need to go into the Republican candidates at this point. McCain's senile and Palin is f*cking scary, we know that. But what really is bringing my vomit to a boil is the genuflecting before the image of St. Politico, The Second Coming, His Holiness the New Messiah, Barack Hussein Obama.

First, the disclaimer: I'm not venting spleen so much about Obama or anything he's done. The people that are pissing me off right now are the supporters.

I swear, the obnoxiousness, self-righteousness, and self-aggrandizment that surrounds these people like the stench of a dead skunk festering under the porch for a week is sickening. Everywhere I go, I see posters up with halos around his head. I hear people talking excitedly about how he's so great and will fix the vast pile of sh*t that America has become. "Change" this and "in touch with the people" that, and blah blah blah I've heard all this crap before from the last Democrat that ran for president.

But, why can't I help but think of the scene in Idiocracy when the president introduces the smartest man in the world and says he'll fix the economy, bring life back to the crops, and make sure everyone has their fair share of fries, all in one week?

I ask you one serious question people: do you seriously think anyone, ANYONE, can achieve a position of power in American politics and not have skeletons in his closet? A politician is a politician is a politician. Is a liar. A lying sack of rot. I've never known people to actually trust politicians any other time of the year, so why in the hell are they so trusting now? Everywhere I turn, there's someone else trying to convince me that he's the best thing to happen to the United States since the Bill of Rights.

To be fair, maybe he doesn't have as many skeletons in his closet as other candidates do. And I really don't care about whether or not he's the best choice; I just want to stop hearing about it.

Enough with the bullsh*t, and stop blowing sunshine about how great a politician is up my @$$. Keep doing what you're doing, and I'm voting for McCain just to piss you off.

In any event, I try to insert humor with every post, so here's a little site called Pundit Kitchen. Enjoy.



Can't wait for the next two months to be over with so you twats on both sides of the fence will finally shut up.

Reruns

Dug this one up from another site where I post crap.

Finished off Hey Rube last night. One of the things that sticks in my mind is how Thompson (like every other American with liberal leanings) would have bet that Dubya would be out after one term. Considering the mess he made of the country in as little as three years, it's a bet no one would have taken. How wrong the Doc was. Never mind the man backstage pulling strings...

My conclusion is that The Man Behind The Curtain is really a Field Trauma Specialist, and he's armed with 5,000 metric tons of Bandaids. That's the only thing keeping this administration going.

But let's forget his ineptness in office for a minute and consider that if you were throwing a 5-keg party, you'd probably invite him. Not only would he come, he'd have another five kegs in the back of his pickup. He'd be the first to do a keg stand, the one telling all the racy jokes, the first to volunteer his own wallet to keep the party going, and the last to pass out. This is a discussion I've had with some of the poets: while we hate what has happened to our country, we'd actually like to sit down and chat with the man.

Why? Because he's a barrel of laughs. A party animal. The All-American Idiot Frat Boy armed with more booze than Common Sense. He was always the life of the Party. It's part of why he won... his charisma (and crooked voting machines, but that's a topic that has been beaten into the ground).

Face it: Gore could have been replaced by a robot and no one would have noticed, and Kerry looked like he was dug up and stitched back together. One will put you to sleep and the other makes children cry when he smiles. No charisma, no Oval Office. Slick Willie Clinton would have wiped the floor with Bush based on charisma alone (what the hell, he did that to Bush Sr., why not get the son too?), even after the Lewinsky scandal, assuming they were running against each other.

That's my rant for the day: next Presidential Primary, vote for the guy with charisma in the party of your choice. Never run a dullard, even when the incumbent is a total failure.

-Originally written September 27th, 2006.

Mr. Kucinich, I Salute Your Big Brass Balls for This

http://www.reuters.com/article/middleeastCrisis/idUSN09301988

Dennis, if you were running, I would vote for you. But, alas, the Dems decided to go with the bickering children instead of the guy that puts his money where his mouth is.

The man stood up and did what no one else had the balls to do. Just think, he got railroaded in the primaries for being a nutcase. Same thing happened to Ron Paul. Here's my dream ticket: Paul/Kucinich '08! Or, Kucinich/Paul '08! Either way, I don't care. Chances of that happening: 0%, but hey, a man can dream, can't he?

Defending Freedom? You Couldn't Defend Your Own Intelligence!

I really hate to bust on veterans only a week and a half after Memorial Day. But I am honestly sick of every veteran on the internet getting up in arms whenever someone criticizes the current administration, the job said administration is doing overseas, war, and soldiers in general.

The catchphrase that I have seen ad nauseum is something to the effect of, "We fought to defend your freedom, so blahdidee blah blah." I find this a curious expression. Aside from the fact that it sounds like it came verbatim from a recruiting advertisement or a neocon politician, I ask, "How does one defend an abstract concept?" Freedom isn't a physical thing you can hold in your hand; it's not a fortress with ramparts to throw boiling oil over the walls at the attacking barbarians. Freedom is one of those fantastic ideas the definition of which philosophers have battled over for thousands of years. What is Freedom? I could babble until blue in the face over the notion, it's constant battle with Determinism, etc. but let's stick to the concrete.

So, what exactly have our brave soldiers defended all this time? Certainly not their ability to think for themselves ("Freedom of thought?" I sarcastically ask). Our armed forces have been fighting for Security. Yes, security. Not some vague idea regarding the human condition, but the very real, physical act of protecting the nation from threats foreign and domestic. That's what the military of any nation is meant for, not cooking up some notion of "defending freedom." Leave freedom to the philosophers.

Why the confusion? Why the blatant regurgitation of military recruiting pamphlets? Well, I answer that freedom is something everyone can rally around. It's a desire of all people, everywhere. Who doesn't like to be free? Free from an oppressive government, free to make your own choices regarding your body and way of life, free to read whatever pleases you.* Uncle Sam says, "You're defending FREEDOM!" What argument can anyone make against that? Such a basic ideal that so many strive for; who wouldn't want to fight for freedom? Now toe the line, sucker.

What have our soldiers secured? Neither freedom, nor security (at least not in the past couple decades). Apparently, none of them are familiar with Ben Franklin and his famous writing. Unfortunately, most of my countrymen aren't familiar with Franklin's writing, or his delightful witticisms.

I understand that many soldiers and sailors and marines don't think this way. But the marching-in-line fanatics make the armed services look bad. Please, if you or someone you love fell for the smokescreen of "Freedom," set them straight and explain that concepts can't be defended save by words; the armed forces have a different duty to perform.




*Fancy how those freedoms are slipping away on this side of the pond.

Politics is mush

Okay, time for some dumping ground stuff regarding Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton. I found this fantastic little quote from the comments section of this blog:

If she couldn't beat a first term senator named Hussein, how in the world does she expect to beat a war hero?

Unfortunately, there is no one to credit for this amazing truth. The wit who came up with this cut to the core, and I offer him or her applause.

November will be here sooner than you think. To be honest, I'm not looking forward to it. I can't help but feel that no matter who wins the election we will be the real losers.