Enough with that crap

Dear People Leaving Comments On My Blogs,

(Specifically, you whose names are a string of characters that won't read on my computer, leaving cute little blocks filled with numbers in their places...)

You're not fooling anyone. I know that every one of those periods you leave in my comments is a link to some Asian porn site or something of that nature. I hover the cursor over them, it shows me what it is.

Seriously, pack that shit in. I don't want your virus-laden porn sites linked off my blog. Go die in a fire.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Sincerely,

The Management

2010

Happy fucking New Year.

Here's to another 12 miserable months.

Okay, fine, I'll stop being so cynical. Something good has to happen, and I'll be damned if I don't try in this new year, this extra opportunity to make it good, this galactic 1-up that comes around to say, "Yes, another year has died; but you have many more levels to go before you sleep. Your princess is always in another castle."

So here's to you, and another 12 months on this Planet Earth. God bless you, you fantastic bastards.




Christ I'm drunk.

Like a Like-Like from Legend of Zelda

Just sent off an email to a friend on the topic of the overuse of the word "like." Mind you, this isn't out of some strange fascination for similes. I figured you people might enjoy what I said to him on the matter.

I am reminded that a "like-like" was a baseline enemy in the original Legend of Zelda video game on the NES. It was a blob-like creature that split into two smaller blobs when struck with a weapon. It would appear that the Japanese in 1986 were actually predicting American speech patterns in the late 20th and early 21st Centuries. Consider that when one person uses "like" frequently in conversation, the likelihood of others to begin to use the word with exponentially-growing frequency will increase. Such as the monster from the game, one will split into two. If you have two to split, you will have four. So it goes down the line.

Okay, I just looked it up, and I had it confused with a different enemy; the like-like actually ate your shield. I suppose that's also appropriate, since this deluge of "like" is damn good at breaking down the mental barriers that keep my sanity in check.

A Few Thoughts on 2012 and General Idiocy

I was going through some old posts, and a friend commented that he was concerned that a large number of the more intellectually-inclined might kill themselves if McCain won the election. This reminded me of a discussion I had with my brother a couple days ago about how people are starting to panic over this whole 2012 thing, barraging NASA with phone calls about the end of the world and saying they would kill themselves in December of 2011.

In case you don't know, 2012 is when the Mayan calendar ends. Many people believe it's the clock that's ticking on our continued existence here.

To all the people that are considering committing suicide on the night of December 31st, 2011, I can only say, "Go ahead."

Yes, I am a cruel person. But if you are so bloody stupid to think that the calendar of an ancient (albeit very advanced for what they had) civilization rules over our collected fate, then you are too stupid to survive anything that might actually happen. You are part of the problem. I don't suppose anyone ever wondered if they simply didn't get around to making the 2013 edition because they had a couple hundred years to worry about it?

Nothing is worth killing yourself for. Your favorite candidate not winning is irrelevant; the end of the world will happen when it happens, and the best thing to do is live your own goddamn life. Do you want to give yourself an ulcer worrying about every little phantom that might be hiding in the shadows? Do you really want to die that badly, that every little thing makes it not worth going on?

People kill themselves for all kinds of stupid reasons. Your girlfriend left you, you lost your job, your cat died. What about the reasons to live? Find someone that loves you dearly, find a new job, get a new cat. LIFE IS WORTH LIVING. I shouldn't have to shout it at you, but sometimes I guess people need to be reminded of the obvious things that even the most intellectual should know instinctually.

And what if the world is going to end in 2012? What will I do? I'll be out on the front lawn in a folding chair with a cold six of cheap canned beer watching the rocks fall from the sky. If that be our fate, then I will embrace the spectacle. But chances are, life will go on.

Get over it, and find a reason to live.

The Travesty of Butchered Typewriters

There's something that's been bothering me lately. I know that steampunk fashion is fascinating and all that, but I cannot in any way condone or understand why people insist on cutting the keys off of vintage typewriters so they can turn them into jewelry.

Here and now, 2009 and counting, and there are few who appreciate the well-crafted mechanics of the vintage typewriter. I remember when I purchased my 1940s Smith Corona Silent on eBay how several sellers for similar typewriters outright refused to cut off the keys, so at least I am comforted that a few respect the craftsmanship of these antiques.

As someone that looks to these pieces of history for the beauty of their craftsmanship, I can only liken this dreadful idiocy to killing buffalo solely to cut out their tongues and skin them, leaving the carcass to rot on the plains. While the American buffalo has survived such a drive to near-extinction, typewriters don't have the ability to breed. Fine examples of mechanical excellence don't grow on trees. When the supply of vintage typewriters has run out, there will be no source for your silly jewelry.

Why has no-one thought of making reproduction typewriter keys for the sole purpose of arts and crafts? Why insist on ruining antiques that will someday soon be in such short supply that collectors will be smashing your heads against brick walls for what you have done? It's bad enough they are expensive as all hell as it is.

I could understand if the typewriters they were defacing were already irreparably damaged, but we're talking about machines that are pretty much blocks of solid steel. It takes a lot of abuse to ruin them to the point where they are worthless except for what can be done with their parts. Have any of these people considered perhaps using the typewriter for its intended purpose rather than simply defacing it for parts for necklaces and cuff links?

I love my typewriter, and you better keep your hands off it. Try to cut the keys off my Smith Corona and I'll be cutting off your fingers to make jewelry.


Picture from Vintage Typewriter Shoppe

I Have Found A New Satan, and His Name is AIMBots

Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO DELETE THE MyTVBOTthing?!

I have had to delete this thing something like four (4) times, and it always shows up on my buddy list. I DON'T WANT IT. If anyone at AIM is reading this, take note: do not add bots to someone's buddy list unless they actually want those things. I personally don't want those bloody things because I don't want services that I didn't sign up for. Go DIAF, you bastards. I'm less inclined to use your service if you insist on forcing upon us features we don't want.

/Yeah, I'm just complaining right now. Computers and software have that effect on people.

To The Colors That Never Run/Surviving The Nightmare

Ladies and gentlemen that still see fit to read this blog, I would like to offer up a toast.

Not to Obama, but to you. All of you people of the United States that have made it through the eight year nightmare of inept leadership. Yes, Bush is at last out of office.

Here's to America, those of us that have survived against eight years of madness.
Here's to the Children of America that have given their lives overseas, and those that lived now face nightmares we, the civilian populace, can never understand.
Here's to Freedom, may that word no longer be abused by tyrants.

So please, join me as I raise my glass to all of you who have lived and died, wept and smiled over these previous years. Let us not stop, but forge onward to the future with resolve to better our nation and to heal the wounds suffered by both our nation and the world.


Personally, I've also got my fingers crossed that the new guy is everything he's cracked up to be.