Liquor and Porn

I remember reading once that the only industries that are recession-proof are the vices. Beer will continue flowing, liquor will be slugged, porn will be watched. All of which shall be consumed even more when the populace is looking for some variety of escape from their dreary existence and eventual mass suicide. So what are we to do now that the American economy is sinking faster than the Titanic? Simple: begin a surge in industries that are immune to recession.

First (and with the greatest opportunity to protect your dignity), is learning how to distill alcohol. The still, equipment, and a place to set up will set you back a lot of bread, but if you can find a bank that hasn't folded yet, you might be able to secure a loan to cover all that. Once you're making the bucks sending your slightly-less-glorified-than-bathtub gin booze, you can pay back what you owe. Maybe even make a profit. But here's the kicker, and I know from working at a distillery for a day: call your swill "small-batch" distilled. Calling it "small-batch" automatically grants you the right to charge double, or even triple, what you should be charging for it. With the right labeling, and the ridiculous price, the association of value will come naturally. Rich morons with more cash than brains swallow that line of bullsh#t like it's caviar. Never assume that price equals value. Fools make that mistake; take advantage of the fool instead.

Pretty much the same holds for beer. Instead, refer to your establishment as a "microbrewery" to achieve the same effect as a "small-batch distiller."

Now, it does help to actually make a decent product. But with the right phrasing, you can turn a mediocre product into something that legions will knock the doors down to get a hold of.

Porn is much easier to get into. Set up is simple; all you really need is a domain name and a webcam. Or a cellphone with video capability. Or a cheap video camera. Seriously, the amateur porn business is huge right now. It's almost impossible to not get clicks immediately. If you're good enough on film, you may attract attention from someone higher up, where the big bucks are. Of course, your primary competition lies in those that post their homemade sexual romps for free, such as the naturally exhibitionistic or legions of men that shame their ex-girlfriends by passing around their filmed escapades.

Imagine if you will, an America that does nothing but make alcohol and porn. The former Land of The Free given over to Land of The Drunk and Horny, world's capital in debauchery. That's one way of digging the nation out of the economic sh#tpile it's buried in: make booze and porn and ship it out to every other nation. Pump the whole world full of this crap. Export every variety of filmed deviance complete with a discount coupons for overpriced swill. We'll get out of the hole yet, just watch.



/Yeah, like this will ever happen.
//These are the things I think about to avoid depression about the direction in which my nation is heading.